Eli – Los Angeles
Eli’s a religious Jew, though if you see him on the street he’s usually donning some kind of hipster cap. He’s a talented artist and graphic designer, who runs his own firm. He’s really good at what he does.
After a gaggle of hot young girls excitedly confused him with Jonah Hill, he put himself on a strict diet. Though rather than get upset in the moment, Eli figured it made little difference if the hot girls were excited to meet a chubby Jew who liked to act. He was a chubby Jew who could act like a chubby Jew who liked to act… and he spent the rest of the night with beautiful women. Since then, the guy’s lost a ton of weight. And he looks pretty good. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and this girl was in the kitchen checking out a guy in the backyard she thought was cute. I joked with her about who the girls were checking out and after some hesitation, she pointed out the window, “I like that guy in the hat. He’s totally my type.”
Every Friday night Eli has a Shabbat dinner at his apartment. Although it’s not a huge space, he has a lot of people over. He loves doing it. And all of his neighbors come; not one of them is Jewish, but they know more about the rules of Shabbat than most secular Jews. I’m not religious but I like that Eli has remained true to what he believes in without separating himself from the rest of the world. That being said, he’s too religious a Jew to date anyone who’s not. So, religious girls, I’m looking for you to give Eli a shout. But you better be able to make a mean brisket.
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I make a mean brisket. Grandma would be proud.